Babysitting Woes
by JustPlainMemories
Summary: After suffering from endless crying and putrid stenches all day, Natsu and Gray would make sure anyone who called babies cute and lovable bundles of joy in front of them would die a very miserable death.


**A/N:** Hey guys! :)

For those who'd read this before... yeah, this has been edited!

This story is very special to me since it was my first ever Fairy Tail fanfic and I would like to thank all those who read, reviewed and/or faved it the first time I had posted. I would also like to thank anyone who plans to do the same in advance.

I initially had a separate idea planned out for this edited version [I only chose to hurry up with it after I got a wakeup call from a reviewer, **O.O** {thanks a bunch XD}] but once I decided to try writing in the first person POV, the whole plot just sort of... changed. I really enjoyed writing via Natsu's perspective though- the dragon slayer was the perfect character for this (:

[I really hope I got him right]

Oh, and before I forget, 'For Those From Back Then' will be updated soon. Just give me a few days to actually sort things out. Plus, if any of you is, or knows a Beta reader, I'd really appreciate it if you let me know...coz the first two chappies of that fic are in need of it lol.

_**Disclaimer:**_ (Shouts from the rooftops) I own Fairy Tail! Hear that people! I own Fairy Tail! (gets grabbed by CIA agents) What the hell?! Can't you guys handle a joke? (gets tossed into prison)

_Warning:_ The rating's mainly due to some words used in the story. Nothing too major... I think. But just to be safe, I decided that this would be for the best.

* * *

"Natsu?"

"Yes?"

"I hate you."

"… I know." I admitted with a sigh. It wasn't one of my best comebacks but it's not like I had much to say considering it was actually- although I'll never ever admit it out loud- my fault that Gray and I were stuck there, dealing with what was probably going to be the cause of our sad and untimely deaths. In my defense though, I will have you all know that when I had grabbed the job from the mission board, I had only looked at the many zeros that were placed in the reward. How the hell was I supposed to know that such a high paying job was going to involve babysitting?

Wait, don't answer that.

"Hey, Frost-butt… what do we do now?" I asked, my eyes not leaving the baby even for a second. I didn't really like taking orders from the ice-bastard but this was a matter of life and death so sacrifices had to be made. My pride could heal later on. The child that we had now come to refer to as the reincarnation of Deliora- since we weren't really paying attention to the clients when they told us his name- was crying so loud I swear the other side of Magnolia heard him. And trust me, I'm not exaggerating.

When I turned to face Gray, I was slightly taken aback by the expression on his face. The poor guy looked like he was just about ready to jump out the window or… commit suicide- it was kind of hard to tell from where I was standing. Almost as if he sensed me watching him, he fixed his eyes on me. A hard glare replaced the panicked look he had previously sported and if I were to be honest, I wasn't really surprised when I realized that he had probably shot me one of the filthiest looks he had ever mustered.

Ah, if he only knew it was moments like these that I actually lived for.

Well, sure I was suffering too, but at least I seemed better off than him.

"Ah, quit being such a girl about it." Even I was impressed at how casual I sounded considering the death glare I was receiving. The murderous tension in the room spiked up after I said that but I paid it no mind. "So… what's wrong with that thing?"

"I think it's broken Flame-breath." Had Gray said it any more seriously, I really would have believed him. We stayed in silence for a while until the ice-freak decided to speak once more. "I guess we should do something about it. What do you suggest?"

"I don't know. Let's kill it." I said with a shrug. I know I spoke of it as if it was the easiest thing to do in the world and honestly, at the moment, it probably was. Try sitting in a room with a crying infant for three hours and see if murder won't sound appealing.

The look of disgust on Gray's face as he glared at me was truly impressive. I didn't know he had it in him. I could tell that despite his angry façade, he was just as tempted as I was- but due to some strange crap about human rights, he was forced to suck it up and pretend to look angry. I just stared at him, my trademark bored expression in place once I noticed his glare wasn't leaving anytime soon.

A few moments passed before Gray 'deemed' me as not worthy of his attention. He didn't bother throwing a punch or starting any sort of fight with me, instead, he shook his head and sighed. I bet he was thinking I was crazy. "No," the ice-freak said as he took a few steps away from me, "I think we should just try to get it to shut up."

Saving the baby's life that day was the worst decision Gray had ever made.

Of course, after one hour, the raven realized this and regretted it with every fiber of his being. He (since I was too busy raiding our client's fridge) tried nearly all the things his puny brain could think of to get the brat to shut up but… judging by how the crying just seemed to intensify, I guess it's safe to say he failed.

Ha, take that Gray! You suck!

"I can't take this. I quit." Wait, what? I immediately stopped the 'Gray sucks' party I had thrown in my head, hoping that maybe through all the imaginary noise, I had heard wrong. When I noticed the serious expression on his face as he turned to walk to the door, I knew I had to think fast. "What?! You can't quit you freaking Ice cube!" I yelled. I shuffled on my feet but due to some useless thing as gravity, I ended up losing my balance because of the high level of speed I had used. Flailing my arms in the air, I struggled to stay vertically upright but it was pointless since I still ended up falling flat on my face. It was only after I had managed to stand up did I notice the smirk on the raven's lips.

Damn him.

I would have immediately demanded a fight with the ice-prick had there not been more pressing matters at hand. "You'll bring shame to Fairy Tail!" Did the ice mage just roll his eyes on me? Gah, never mind. Focus. "Think about what the other guilds would say: 'Hey look, it's those sissies who can't even handle a baby.'"

Gray seemed unfazed by my mini rant because he just shrugged and continued walking towards the door. "Che, I don't care. I'm a mage, not a nanny."

Now, I don't know how or why this happened but as soon as the raven finished his statement, Deliora II stopped crying. Shocked at the sudden bout of silence, both Gray and I turned to face the child's crib. We exchanged awkward glances before cautiously walking up to the now silent baby, Gray's plan to leave momentarily forgotten.

We both stared at the child in mild shock- and the silence that followed was both long and weird. Fearing for the worst, I decided that breaking the ice was in order so I spoke. "I think you killed it." A panicked look crossed Gray's face once my message sunk in. "I didn't kill it you fire freak!" His yells were pointless. We both knew it was true. Gray would go down in Fairy Tail history as the man who killed a ba-

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

What the- shouldn't the brat be dead?

"This is all your fault you ice-make bastard!" I yelled.

Hey, I had to blame someone.

Damn, the baby's crying was definitely getting to me.

"My fault?" Gray asked incredulously. "You're the one who chose the mission Shitty flame! This is the last time I let you pick a job for us!" Can you believe he molded ice earplugs (for himself!) as he said this? What about me? The baby's crying was killing my eardrums too!

Thanks a lot nakama.

Instead of condemning Gray for his selfish behavior, I decided to stick with the subject. "Me?! You're the one who said it was a good deal!" I could feel my fist just begging to meet his jaw.

I think Gray sensed this because he smirked at me as he shrugged. "I don't remember."

I was about to fire a barricade of very colorful language but the very tiny, sane part of my mind convinced me to do something else. Speak reasonably. "Look, if we don't get it," I pointed at the baby, a look of disgust etched on my face, "to shut up, Erza will... do very painful things to us when she comes back. So, I suggest we put our differences aside- just this once- and work together. What do you say?"

I saw his expression change to one of fear the moment Erza's name was mentioned but it was immediately replaced by a smug look. "Che, I bet you're all talk Flame-brain. You probably don't even have a plan."

"I do!"

"Let's hear it then." The cockiness that seeped into Gray's voice as he said this really made me want to punch him but I forced myself to refrain. This of course, was only due to Erza's promises of pain and torture if anything went wrong in the mission, nothing else. When the raven realized that I was all bark and no bite, he shook his head and dragged out what was probably the longest sigh he'd ever done. "Not that I intend on staying but... I suppose I can help... just for a little while." The earplugs he had immediately disappeared once he was finished with his statement.

Wait, does that mean Gray was lip reading this whole time?

Pushing that offhanded thought aside, I asked, "Fine. What's your plan?" I don't know what made me sound so tired (considering I had done nothing all day) but I still was. Maybe it was the baby. Told you it's crying was getting to me.

"Let's try feeding it." Gray stated, his fingers swiftly dealing with the buttons on his shirt. When he was done, he shrugged off the cloth and continued, "That thing could be hungry you know."

"Good idea!" I exclaimed with a smile. Why hadn't I thought of that? Generating flames on my right fist, I grabbed the baby with my flame-less hand and yelled, "Eat up kiddo!" Although I couldn't see myself, I knew there was a sadistic gleam in my eyes from the way Gray looked at me. Lucy always said it made me look like those psychotic criminals she always read about.

"Natsu!" I heard Gray yell before I felt an unfamiliar coldness encase my fiery hand. As my blazing flames died out, they were quickly replaced by cold, hard ice. The unwelcome addition pissed me off so bad that I turned to glare at Gray as soon as I was done melting it. "What's your problem?! I was just gonna feed it!"

"Babies don't eat fire you idiot. They need milk." The ice mage pointed towards a baby's bottle that just so happened to be conveniently placed next to the child's crib.

"..." My mouth hung open as a dumb look crossed my face. I had never felt so stupid.

"Here, give me the kid." Gray said as he extended his arms. Even though I offered the child with no protest, he still forcefully snatched it from my hands.

See?

Gray is a douchebag.

Almost as if he hadn't just yanked a baby from my more than capable hands, the ice-prick had the audacity to cradle the very creature that nearly destroyed our eardrums in the most caring way imaginable. As he picked up the baby's bottle and placed the teat on his lips, I couldn't help but notice the tender look that crossed his face.

Che, the sap.

The silence that followed was heaven to my ears. Other than the soft gurgling noises the baby made as it drank its milk, the room was dead silent. But after years of experience dealing with bad luck, I realized that this, like most good things, had to come to an end sooner or later. So, hoping that it would end later (much, much later), I decided that some relaxing was in order.

Now, do you remember that bad luck thing I mentioned? Yeah, it came back and bit me on the butt.

Just when I had started basking in the silence that came after Gray started being all motherly, the air in the room started becoming heavy. The baby powder scented atmosphere we'd been in for most of the day seemed to be picking up a very thick, latrine-like smell that reeked of rotten eggs and something else that I really couldn't put my finger on at the moment. "Oh shit! What's that fucking smell?!" I eloquently cried as I raised my scarf to cover my nose. The dragon scale material did nothing to stop the foul stench from attacking my nostrils so I did the next best thing.

"I can't take it anymore!" I exclaimed as I ran to the nearest window. Pulling the curtains aside and pushing the window panes apart, I took a huge whiff of fresh air- almost as if my life depended on it. Once I was sure I had had enough, I turned to glare at the ice mage and asked, "Why the hell did you fart Gray?!"

On the verge of suffocation, the raven placed the baby back on its crib as calmly as he could. Although I couldn't see it from where I stood, I was sure the baby pulled one of its 'I'm so cute you really don't want to put me down' looks from the way Gray's features softened despite the fact that he was dying from lack of oxygen.

Ha, told you.

Gray's a total sap.

Now, after that short moment of cuteness, I believe it's my right to say anyone who thought Gray has a heart is sick in the head. As soon as the ice-freak was done exchanging soft glances with the baby, he proved to me (once again), that he is a bastard.

Can you believe he ran towards the window I was at and pushed me away? Of course this action didn't come alone for he decided a clever retort was in order so he said, "Me?! You're the one who can't control his butt!" I would have opened my mouth to retaliate but I never got the chance to do so for the baby started crying once more.

One would think that after all those hours, the kid would get bored or something.

"That's it. I'm out of here." Gray stated, taking off his pants as he walked towards the door. He discarded his trousers right before his hand reached out to grab the door knob but he stopped when he heard me say, "Sure, leave. I'm sure Erza will understand."

Upon hearing Erza's name, the ice mage immediately put his pants back on and started perspiring. "E... E… Erza?" I may not be a doctor but I'm pretty sure that sweating like that is not healthy. But then again, I guess it was quite understandable since our oh so precious teammate had promised to shove ten of her sharpest swords down our... assholes if we screwed up the mission in any way.

Oh, and she also promised to castrate us if she were to return and find us fighting. Guess that explains why Gray and I weren't battling to the death at the moment.

"Fine." I heard Gray mutter as he retreated from the door. What was he talking abou- Oh right. He probably realized he didn't want Erza's swords down his ass. Can't blame him. As far as I know, those holes are one way tunnels.

"So… what now?" I stared at Gray as if he'd just laid an egg. Why on earth would he ask me? Did I even look like I knew what was going on? Shrugging once I figured he was just as lost as I was, I pointed to the child and said, "Maybe that's causing this horrible smell."

Taking my words as a plausible explanation, Gray walked up to the baby and sniffed its butt. "Ugh," he shook his head so as to dispel the stench. "You're right… Should we change it or something?"

"I guess." I said with a shrug. "I really don't care what we do. I just want to get Deliora to shut up."

Gray nodded once to show his agreement with my statement. Heading off to the bathroom to get the baby's bath ready, he told me- no, ordered is more like it- not to move. Since we were both going to benefit at the end of this, I decided that I'll just listen to him for once. Sitting down on the carpeted floor, I tried my best to pretend that the horrible stench and loud baby were nothing but figments of my imagination.

Yeah, that didn't work.

So, glaring at the direction of the noise, I stood up and walked up to the crib. I lifted the baby up by it's leg and flipped it around, hoping that by some miracle, I'll find what I was looking for. I don't know how long I had been at it but the only thing I actually do remember is Gray's mortified expression as he exited the bathroom and saw me with the kid.

I bet he almost had a heart attack.

"You idiot! What's wrong with you?!" Whoa, I had no idea Gray could move so fast. Wasn't he at the door just now? How did he- ?

"Are you insane?!" He exclaimed as he snatched the baby from me, yet again.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I was just looking for the off switch on that thing."

It took a minute for Gray's mind to actually process what I was saying. By the exasperated look on his face and the way he shook his head right before he opened his mouth to say something, I guess he was having a really hard time. Before he spoke up once more, I heard him mumble something like, 'Idiots aren't really worth it'. I paid it no mind since I was pretty sure he was talking about someone else. After all, everybody knows _I_ am a genius.

"Babies don't have off switches Flame brain." Gray said as he removed the baby's cap. "I already checked... Now, let's..." I decided to tune the raven out when I noticed he was taking too long with his speech/rant/whatever it was he was saying. Focusing on the movements of his hands, I couldn't help but notice that he was removing all of the baby's clothes. My eyes widened once I actually understood what he was doing.

"Good God! You are a perv!" Wasn't removing his own clothes enough? Now he had to go and strip a baby too.

"Huh?" Gray paused, a raised eyebrow being enough to show his confusion at the moment.

"Have you no shame?! You're a grown man! Quit stripping that innocent kid!" I may not have been able to see it but I was pretty sure my face portrayed just how disgusted I truly was.

"What the hell?! I just want to wash him you flaming piece of shit!"

"Yeah, yeah," I said with a wave of my hand, "you're just a half naked man undressing a baby… that's absolutely innocent. You're definitely not a pedophile."

"What?! Hell no!"

As if. I saw how those fingers ghosted over that baby's thighs.

_That_ was not normal.

Grinding his teeth, Gray shot me one of the coldest glares I'd ever seen him sport. Knowing that there was nothing he hated more than my sarcasm, I smiled despite the situation. Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit when it came to the pedo thing- but that didn't mean I was going to stop. "Whatever. Just don't get all kinky with him. He's hardly even one."

"..." I guess Gray chose not to dignify my statement with a retort because he merely continued stripping the baby regardless and once he was done, he threw me the shit-filled diaper and said, "Burn this, Shitty-flame."

I would like to think that that pun was absolutely unintended.

Burning the diaper, I distantly noticed the ice mage enter the bathroom with Deliora in his arms. Seeing that the air in the room still smelt like baby shit, I decided to get out and head to the kitchen as the air cleared out. I was pretty sure I had seen a few pieces of roast chicken lying around somewhere in the fridge. Once I had pretty much eaten everything the clients had stored in their kitchen, I returned back to the baby's room a happy man. Upon entering, I noticed Gray rocking the child to sleep and instead of being glad that Deliora was clean and fully dressed, I was more focused on the fact that the ice-freak had no pants.

Holy hell! Did he just rape the- oh wait, never mind.

There they are.

Since my fears of Gray sexually harassing an infant were now gone, my previous happy mood returned. "Finally!" I exclaimed with a huge smile in place. I knew Gray didn't deserve my impeccable grin but hey, I was in a good mood. The room didn't smell like poop, the baby was dressed and my abnormally large appetite was satisfied. Yep, I was definitely happy. "We did it Gray! This place doesn't smell like your house anymore!"

Amidst my joy, I noticed Gray shoot me an incredulous look. It was only after I had finally quieted down did he speak. And by the sound of his voice, he was absolutely irritated. "We? I did everything you Fire brain!"

Ignoring him, I chose to focus on the baby. "What do we do now?"

At my question, I noticed Gray's anger disappear. His face adopted a thoughtful expression as he tried to come up with something. After what felt like days, the raven finally said, "We could try singing."

"Singing?"

"Bisca usually does that to Asuka when she wants her to sleep."

"Mhm..." I took a while pondering on Gray's suggestion. Once I realized it had more pros than cons, I decided to agree with the ice-stripper. "Sure." My lips then adopted a smile that should only be used by certified serial killers. I noticed Gray grab the baby and move a few steps away from me but I paid him no mind as I started singing.

"_Quiet you little demon, please don't cry,_

_Gray always takes his clothes off, I'll tell you why!_

_He is a pervert, that we know,_

_He's just jealous-_"

"Natsu, shut up." Gray stated calmly as he placed the child on its crib. "Your singing is bullshit. "

Bullshit?

Bullshit?!

The bastard!

"What are you talking about?!" The anger was evident in my voice as I yelled. Who on earth would insult such amazing singing skills? "The kid loves it!" I defended as I pointed at the child's crib, "Look, he's already asleep."

Gray didn't even bat an eyelash. "He passed out because of your voice."

The only thing that stopped me from pouncing on him was my will to have a fully functional genital organ (i.e. my balls) at the end of this job. "You're just jealous you perverted ice creep. You couldn't sing for shit."

Gray rolled his eyes at my somewhat childish comeback. "You wish. Your singing is just like your magic skills. They both suck."

"Suck? Suck?!" I guess I don't really have to explain for you to realize I was past the point of being enraged.

Now, before I go any further, I would like to let you all know how my brain works. When I get insulted by anyone (especially if he/she goes by the name of Gray Fullbuster), I tend to get the insane urge to kick that person all the way to next Tuesday. When my magic skills get insulted... whoever my opponent is should just go buy him/herself a coffin.

What can I say? My dragon slaying skills are a touchy subject.

"Suck on this bastard!" I yelled, a hard glare in place as I generated a massive sized fireball on one of my hands. I silently cursed when Gray dodged it but I didn't relent or stop with my attack. Firing more of my personally made ammo, I didn't even bother to think of Erza and her many promises of pain.

I didn't really care about what was going to happen to me when Erza got back with the rest of the client's kids. All I wanted was to do was knock the living daylights out of Gray.

Screw my asshole. Screw my dick.

Gray's destruction came first.

"Natsu, wait!" Gray yelled as he ushered me to stop with his hands. I didn't want to listen to him since I was in the middle of firing my best attack yet but the pleading look on his face made my body stop all on its own.

"What?"

"Give me a minute." The raven said as he turned to face the baby's crib. I saw him do some familiar motions with his hands before he whispered, "Ice make: Shield." Almost immediately, ice shot up from the floor and towered over the sleeping child's bed. I bit back a snicker as I watched the ice break down into various parts and take the form of even spikes from a central point on the floor.

Wow. Gray's spell looked just like a flower... chopped in half.

Mhm, maybe he liked unleashing his inner princess through his magic.

Unaware of my offhanded thoughts, Gray turned to face me once more and said, "Okay, I'm done." He didn't even wait for me to attain a proper battle stance before he charged, his hands glazed with ice as he activated his magic.

I was so engrossed in the battle that I barely noticed the familiar scents that approached the building. By the time I had managed to pull my mind out of the fight, it was too late.

"Gray! Natsu!" Oh, shit.

Just in case you're not sure yet, that was Erza.

Flinching at the sound of our teammate's voice, Gray and I both turned to face her... slowly.

It was more out of fear than anything else really.

To our credit though, I'll have you know that Gray and I weren't very surprised when we saw that she was looking at us like she was about to go on a killing spree. I saw Lucy and Happy trying to avoid Erza as they cowered with the rest of the clients children somewhere in the background.

Yeah, I didn't blame them. I'd probably be doing the same if I was in their position.

After all, Erza was scary.

The redhead slowly made her way to us, a hard glare in place as her magical armor transformed at an impossible speed. At the fearful sight, Gray and I shared a look that clearly said we were both thinking the same thing.

_There go our balls._

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**A/N: **The end. Haha! I hope you guys enjoyed this :) Please feel free to review and let me know what you think 'kay. I spent a lot of time working with this and I'd really like to what people think of it (:_  
_

Until next time, see ya!


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